Over the Edge
by leelee0474
Summary: What happens when Michael finally breaks?
1. Chapter 1

A/N~For my gals Burner4life & naman2002 who asked me to do this...Hope you like it! Thanks to Amanda & WritePassion for reading it for me! Love all my readers out there 33 Hope you all enjoy this too!

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It was around three in the morning when Fiona heard the loft door open. She sat up in bed and in the darkness realized that it was Michael.

"You scared me! I thought someone was breaking in and I'd have to teach them a lesson." Fiona said with a smile.

Michael laid down on the next to Fiona and pulled her down next to him. His grip on her was tight. He buried his head against her chest and was shaking. It reminded Fiona of when one of her brothers would get scared when they were little and ran into her room for comfort. She tried to look at his face, but he wouldn't let her.

"Michael, tell me what's wrong. Why are you shaking?" Fiona said, hoping he would talk to her. She received no response. Eventually he drifted off to sleep, but never letting go of Fiona.

In the morning, she managed to break lose from Michael's grip. She showered and got dressed, but Michael was still asleep. She checked his forehead for signs of fever, but he was no warmer than usual. She looked him over for signs of injury but none could be found.

About two in the afternoon, Sam walked into the loft. He was going to say something, but Fiona held her finger up to her lips, hoping Sam would be quiet. She walked out to the balcony, motioning for him to follow. She shut the doors and spoke softly.

"Why is he still in bed and why are you telling me to be quiet?" Sam asked.

Fiona sat down on the step. "Michael came home at three this morning from his mission. He came in, didn't say a single word and got into bed with me."

"Ok, so he's tired. Depending on where he was, could be jet lag. Even Mikey gets tired from traveling."

Fiona shook her head. "When he got into bed, he pulled me down with him and he clung to me. He was shaking so bad. I thought maybe he had a fever, but he hasn't shown signs all day of one. He's been sleeping. He hasn't moved or even made a sound."

Sam thought for a moment. "Maybe mission was more intense than he thought and he didn't sleep for days. You know that happens as much as I do."

"Sam, I'm telling you something is wrong." Fiona raised her voice to Sam. "He's never done that before. Not even after Nate died. Not even after the funeral. He's had his moments where he breaks, but usually he just yells or gets teary eyed but never like last night. He buried his head against my chest and shaking like that. He wouldn't even look at me."

They were both quiet until they heard Michael slamming about inside. Walking back into the loft, Fiona and Sam both stood frozen in their tracks. Michael was in the center of the loft with his gun pointed to his head. His eyes were closed and he was quietly crying.

"Michael put the gun down. Whatever it is, we can help. I swear Sam and I will make it ok." Fiona tried to reason with Michael. She took a few steps towards him, with a smile on her face, hoping she didn't look terrified.

When she got too close, Michael took the gun from his head and pointed it at Fiona. "Stop. Don't come closer. I don't want to shoot you."

Sam grabbed Fiona's arm to stop her from moving any closer to Michael. "Brother talk to me. Fiona's right, tell us what happened and we'll find a way to fix it. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as you imagine."

Michael gripped the gun tighter and pointed it back to his head. "I can't fix this, no one can fix this. I screwed up so bad. I ruined everything and everyone's life around me."

Exchanging worried looks with Fiona, Sam asked softly "Why can't we fix this Mikey? Can't be any harder than when we had to get Fiona out of jail. We did that. Can't be any harder than beating Carla or Vaughn and we did that too. There is nothing big or bad enough to keep us from helping you."

Fiona took a step towards Michael. "Let us help. You aren't alone. We love you."

"I don't deserve love. I'm a monster just like all the others. I can't do this again!" Michael shouted in a deep tight voice that made Sam and Fiona get tears in their eyes.

Michael then let out a loud scream that made Sam and Fiona jump. Michael closed his eyes and pointed the gun to his head. He said "Fiona, I love you." As soon as he said that Sam rushed towards him and tackled Michael to the ground, causing the gun to go flying across the floor. Fiona ran and picked it up.

Michael realizing that he now had Sam laying on top of him, punched him square in the jaw. Sam fell off of Michael but rose to his feet quickly. Michael was now trying to get the gun away from Fiona. Michael, not paying attention to Sam, found himself restrained by Sam who snaked his arms under Michael's and locked his hands behind Michael's head. Michael, being completely immobilized, tried to flip Sam over but in his condition he didn't have the strength.

"We are going to calm down. If you don't calm down, the next step is for me to handcuff you to the fence. You don't have to talk, but if I let you go, you have to calm down. Understand?" Sam whispered. "Next outburst I'm chaining you to the fence."

The entire time Fiona was telling Michael it would all be ok. Both of Michael and Fiona had tears falling from their eyes. Sam let go and gave Michael a slight push forward, to give them some distance in case Michael tried to punch him.

Michael laid down on the bed and curled into a ball. He began to cry harder and shake. Fiona immediately rushed over and took him in her arms, holding him until he fell asleep. Once Fiona knew he was asleep, walked out to the balcony where Sam had escaped to when Michael climbed into the bed.

"What the hell was that?" Fiona cried, covering her mouth so her sobs wouldn't wake Michael.

"I don't know. All I know is he either has to tell us what's going on or there is going to be some serious trouble." Sam said in a low voice, trying to control his emotions so Fiona wouldn't get more upset. "I think he's having a breakdown. Something happened and pushed him over the edge. We just have to figure out what did it."


	2. Chapter 2

Sam and Fiona sat in kitchen of the loft. They talked in hushed whispers while Michael slept. "I've called everyone I know and no one is saying anything to me about Michael. Something happened and no one wants to talk. It could be days before I find out anything." Sam said.

"I called Card and it goes right to voicemail. We don't have days to wait. We can't leave him like this Sam."

"I know. That's why once you guys fell asleep last night, I called a friend who is a psychiatrist. She's willing to see Mikey and tell us what to do." Sam explained.

Fiona looked over at Michael, who was still asleep. "He's not going to talk to a psychiatrist. Even if he did, he would pretend everything was fine. He'll deny anything that happened earlier and she'll be on her way."

Sam disagreed with Fiona. "Fi, I don't think he's capable of pretending at this point. We were both in the same room with him. His eyes were empty. He's gone somewhere. Even if he doesn't talk, she'll watch him and figure it out from his actions. Lets just get her in here and have a look at Mikey. Whatever we do though, you and I have to agree and support the other's decisions. We have to be united. Otherwise Mikey will know and he'll play us against one another."

Fiona and Sam shook hands in agreement to be united in their treatment of Michael. They spent the next hour watching his sleep. When he began to wake up, they pretended to be fixing something. Fiona noticed he was fully awake and sat down next to him in the bed. Giving him a kiss on the cheek she said "Morning sleepy head."

"What time is it?" Michael asked in a soft voice.

Sam looked at his watch. "Almost noon. You want me to get you a yogurt since I'm near the fridge?"

Michael shook his head. "I don't want anything. You two should go. You shouldn't be around me. I..." Michael didn't finish his sentence.

"We aren't leaving you alone Mikey. You don't get to make that decision this time." Sam said. "I have a friend that's coming over to see you. She just wants to make sure you are OK."

"I don't need to see anyone" Michael yelled. "I'm fine!" He picked up his cell phone from the floor next to him and threw it across the room.

Sam lost his temper. "If you are so fine, why did you try to kill yourself?" Sam's voice cracked. "You pointed the gun at your head. If I didn't tackle you, you would have pulled the trigger" Michael jumped when Sam yelled.

Fiona added "I tried to get near you and you pointed the gun at me. You told me that I should stay back because you didn't want to shoot me"

Michael's breathing became rapid and his eyes filled with tears. His felt his chest tighten. "I would never do that to Fi. I wouldn't. Never."

"Tell us what happened and you'll feel better. You said that something happened, you screwed up bad and it couldn't be fixed. What happened?" Sam said, trying to keep an even tone.

"I don't remember. I don't remember how I got back to the loft!" Michael paused and rubbed his face. "All I remember was talking to Fi telling her I'd be back in a few days. Next thing I know, I wake up and you guys are here."

Michael swallowed. The sounds coming from outside the loft seemed so loud to him. "Something is wrong."

Fiona could see Michael was panicking. She started rubbing his back. She talked slowly, not wanting to startle him. "This is why you need to see Sam's friend. She will help you. Something is wrong and we need to fix it."

Sam watched Fiona cry as she talked to Michael. He noticed that where in the past he would try to make Fiona stop crying by showing affection to comfort her, but he made no attempt to this time.

Michael's mood changed again. He got up out of the bed and pulled out some clothes and began to put them in a duffel bag. Fiona and Sam exchanged worried looks as Michael ranted. "She's going to put me in the hospital. I've seen those hospitals. I'm not going. I can't protect Fiona if I am separated from her." Michael said. "Fi we'll go somewhere. We'll start over. I'll be fine. We have to go."

Fiona knew she had to put her foot down. "Michael, we are staying here. You need help and you will get it. If you don't get help, Sam and I will walk away and leave you."

"She's telling the truth. We both agree that if you don't get help, we'll walk away. We'll be here to help you, but you have to let us help and not fight us."

As soon as Sam finished speaking, a voice calling out his name could be heard in the loft. Sam sighed and walked over to his friend Rachel and gave her a hug. "Thanks for coming on such short notice."

"Michael, I'm Rachel. I'm Sam's friend. He said that maybe you needed someone to talk to that didn' t know you. A sympathetic ear that won't judge. I'm just here to listen." Rachel said, extending a hand to him.

Michael eyed her up and down cautiously. "I don't want to talk." He said softly.

Rachel turned to Sam and Fiona. "Could you guys give me some time alone with Michael?"

They were ready to leave when Michael shouted "No. Fiona stays here with me. I can't keep her safe if she's not here with me."

"Fine. She stays but you and Rachel will be over here and Fi will be in the kitchen. She's going to stay out of your way Mikey." Sam said loudly. Michael turned his head to avoid Sam's glare.

Sam walk out the front door and waited downstairs. After an hour, Rachel came down the metal stairs. "Sam, you couldn't have given me an easy case to deal with?"

"He's that bad? I'm sorry, but you are the one person I know who could get in there and maybe get him to talk without feeling like he was talking to a shrink. What's wrong with him?"

Rachel sat on the bottom step. "He talked but it was disjointed. He avoids talking about his family outside of you and Fiona. Does he have a family?"

Sam sighed. "He does or did. He watched his kid brother get shot to death in front of him and his mother pretty much disowned him. He's been working trying to find his brother's killer but we've reached a dead end. Before that he was working on trying to get Fiona out of jail for something she was framed for. He's been burning his candle at both ends."

"He's very over protective of Fiona. How long has that been going on?" She asked.

"He's always been, but since Nate died he's been slowly getting worse. Its like he's not there but he is." Sam said, his voice trailing off. "What's wrong with him Doc?"

Rachel handed a prescription to Sam. "My opinion after being with him for an hour, is that its Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He needs to talk to a professional. If he isn't going to, then you need to watch him 24-7, make him relax and make sure he takes this medicine. I'm prescribing an antidepressant. It'll help even him out a bit. Start him on the meds and call me in three days and we'll talk more. I'll try and guide you the best I can."

Sam thanked Rachel and closed the metal doors as she left. Entering the loft, he was ready to read Michael the riot act about how he needed to take the prescription but instead he heard Fiona talking to him about it. He stood outside listening.

"Fi, I don't want to take the drugs. You start taking this stuff and you never stop. I don't want to be on this forever." Michael said.

Peeking into the loft, Sam saw Fiona sitting up in bed, with Michael's head in her lap. His eyes were closed. He hoped Michael would get some rest.

"I will make a deal with you. We try the medicine out for six months. If that doesn't work, then we have to find a therapist. Until then, we'll help you but you have to take the medicine." Fiona said in a voice that was almost a whisper.

Michael rolled off of her and onto a pillow. He said "Fair enough." before falling asleep. Fiona breathed a sigh of relief.

Seeing Sam she said "One hurdle down, a hundred more to go." Sighing she sunk down into the bed as well. "Go get his medicine, Sam. I'll be here. You should get some rest yourself. I'm going to get some rest too."

Sam grabbed his car keys and said "Sleep well guys. I'll be back later." Getting into the car, he called Elsa. He got her voicemail. "Baby, I'm getting some medicine for Michael and then I'm coming home tonight. See you later. You have no idea how much I miss you. Love you baby." Sam ended the call and drove off.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N~ Thanks to Amanda and Kari for helping me & putting up with my freakouts! BIG thanks for WIWJ for her story Duty which was a HUGE help and her blessing to go ahead with the method she used in her story. Hope you all like this!

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The next morning Sam and Fiona sat quietly in the loft looking through files that Michael had kept, hoping to find any piece of information that would tell them what set Michael off.

Closing his file, Sam went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. "Fi, we are missing something and it's not in the files. It's locked away in Mikey's brain. We have to extract the information."

"How do you propose we do this Sam? I have no idea what kind of mood he will be when he wakes up. We were up pretty late last night" Fiona said before Sam held up his hand to her.

"Fi, I don't want to be the one to tell you what to do, but I think sex for Mikey is a bad idea."

Fiona shot Sam a look that made him shake on the inside. "For your information Sam, he's been having nightmares. Last night was one of his bad nights."

As quick as he grabbed the next file, he slammed it down. "Bad nights? How long has he been having nightmares?"

She chided him for his outburst. "Sam, you are going to wake him!" After taking a moment to think back, Fiona continued "Since the funeral. He won't tell me what they were about. I usually soothe him and get him back to sleep back but last night he insisted sitting in the chair with his gun. Then he begged me not to leave. I promised I wouldn't and told him if he got into bed he could hold me and make sure I didn't leave."

Sam went into the kitchen and looked for the medicine he dropped off last night. "Where's the medicine? Did he take any?"

"No, I'm starting to think that you might need it more than Michael. Sam, what's going on?" Fiona asked.

"Fi, these medicines take a few weeks for him to get adjusted to them. I think that we need to act now. There's a method we use in the military for guys who can't seem to get over traumatic experience. Its called exposure therapy."

Seeing Fiona's blank look on her face, he continued to explain. "What is the one thing that Mikey is fearing? He's afraid you are going to leave and something will happen to you and he can't keep you safe. If you slowly expose him to that fear, show him that if you walk out the door, you will come back in one piece thereby exposing him to his fear and eliminating it. Something has him terrified that he's going to lose you. We have to figure out what triggered this. Plus there are other things involved like learning to control his breathing when he's anxious and not thinking so much about bad outcomes. The hard part is to get him to talk when he's anxious. He has to tell us what's running through his mind."

"Exposing him to what he's afraid of? Sam, is that going to work or make him worse and who do you find that he would feel safe talking to? You know he doesn't like outsiders."

Sam pointed at himself. "Me. I went through it years ago back in the SEALs. A mission went wrong, we lost a lot of guys and I had problems getting over it. I had a friend who helped me by making me relive the mission over and over. After a while I realized that I'd be ok and I slowly got better. It took time, but it worked. The important part, for me anyway, was that my friend didn't make me feel any less of a man for feeling weak. That's key for Mikey. If I can make him feel safe and that neither of us think less of him then he might try this method. Are you in sister?"

Fiona took a moment to process everything Sam told her. "You know I'm not a fan of medicines. Let's try it. It's better than waiting for the drugs to work on him."

Michael started to wake up. Fiona and Sam moved quickly to put away the files they were reading. "Fi?" He called out, not seeing Fiona as his back was to her.

"In the kitchen Michael. Why don't you sit down at the table and eat?" Fi said in a soft sing-song voice. "I can cook or get you a yogurt if you want."

"Yogurt. I'm not that hungry today." Michael answered in a monotone voice. "So when do we start this drug?"

Sam sat down next to Michael. "We both know you aren't crazy about medicines and frankly neither are we. There is an option where we can avoid the meds but you have to be willing to talk and let us know what's going on. It's called exposure therapy. We slowly have you face what is making you upset and once we face that maybe we can figure out what caused you to get like this."

Fiona walked behind Michael and kissed the top of his head. "Do you remember anything that happened while you were away?"

Michael frowned. "Everytime I try to focus on what happened the more black everything becomes in my head. Nothing will help me. I feel like i am going crazy."

"You aren't going crazy brother. I've been where you are. I had a mission where I lost a lot of the team. I was at a point where I couldn't sleep, eat or hell I don't even know how I got from place to place. Where you see blackness, I saw blurs. Everything was a blur. Luckily I had a buddy who helped me. I got through it and so will you. We aren't going to leave you alone brother until we get you all better."

Sam put his hand on Michael's leg. "We'll do this however you want but you need to do something. As long as you want to do the work we'll help. We aren't going to leave you alone in that blackness. I'm not going to lose you to this." Sam hoped his words helped Mikey feel better.

"I didn't know you went through that Sam. I'm sorry." Michael said, resting his face in the palm of his hand.

"Mikey, we both know we can't admit to being weak. Any sign of weakness especially in the special services gets us kicked out and tossed aside like trash. So we learn to push it down and not think about it." Sam said.

"What if we try this and it fails? I don't want to lose Fiona or even you Sam because it didn't work." Michael asked. Fiona and Sam both looked at one another as they heard the stress in Michael's voice when he mentioned losing Fiona again.

Fiona wrapped her arms around Michael. "If it doesn't work, we try something else. You never gave up on me and I will never give up on you as long as you keep fighting. You get tired of fighting, we'll help you, but you have to keep wanting to go on. Can you do that for us? Can you keep fighting Michael?"

Michael closed his eyes and nodded. Fiona felt him grip her arm a little tighter. "Let's do this."

Sam jumped up to his feet. He grabbed his cell phone and walked to the door. "Great! When I get back in, we are going to start working on getting you better Brother!"

Michael smiled at Sam and ate his yogurt. Fiona watched him, feeling happier than she did in weeks, feeling sure that with their help she would get her Michael back again.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam stepped outside the loft and dialed Rachel's phone number.

"Sam, is Michael OK?" Rachel asked, with a worried tone in her voice.

"He's OK but I need advice. Before you yell at me, just hear me from start to end."

Sam could hear Rachel's sigh "I have a feeling that no matter what you say I won't like it!"

"You know my past and that I went through the same thing Mikey is going through. You know I went through exposure therapy myself and it worked. I didn't need drugs and I don't think he does either. He needs to just get whatever is bothering him out in the open and then he can move on. So my question is if we skipped the drugs and just did the therapy, how do you think it would be? "

Rachel's voice grew louder. "Sam, are serious? Michael is on the edge. If you make one wrong move with him, you could make him worse. He would need to be hospitalized at that point."

Sam was quiet. "Listen, I know the pills aren't for him. He's never liked pills. I can't even convince him to take cold medicine. I do know the one thing he is most afraid of is losing Fiona. If I can get him past his fear of losing Fiona then we can work on what caused him to crash and burn like this. There is something else behind this and I don't know what it is yet."

"Sam, you made your mind up long before you called me, so I'm not even going to argue further. If you do this, I will make myself available to you and Fiona whenever you need. Fiona is going to need the most support because she is the one he is clinging too. She needs to be strong because his first instinct will be to panic if she is away. He's going to fight, cry and scream but she can't run back to comfort him when you separate them. You know while he is adjusting to her being gone..."

Sam completed her sentence "I have to get him to focus on his breathing and get him to talk. Fiona will have to help him at night if he has nightmares. I've been there, I know."

Rachel softened her tone. "Sam, if you have any problems or concerns I want you to call me day or night. Tell Fiona the same thing. I am here for all of you."

Sam ended the call and went back inside the loft. Fiona was sitting on the stairs inside. "I finally convinced him to shower. He's in a better mood since he ate and you boys talked. What's our next step?"

"We'll start separating you guys as soon as he's settled after his shower. I think a few minutes of you being gone at first and then if he does ok, we can extend the timing. We'll do it a couple times today, just a little longer each time he does ok. The main thing is that no matter how loud he calls for you, crying you might hear or just anything that would make you run back in to him, don't do it. He'll freak out but I'll get him to calm down and refocus. Hopefully, he'll talk while we are doing all of this."

Michael came out of the bathroom wearing jeans and a T-shirt Fiona had laid out for him. Sam smiled at Michael who was clean shaven and said in a happy tone "You look presentable now! How you feeling Brother?"

Michael walked over to his work bench and started to sort through a box. "Better." He stopped sorting the contents of the box and sat staring at the wall in front of him. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me, but I handled it badly. So what do we do now?"

Sam started off slowly. "I think that I have our first step. Since you came back from your last mission, you have been clinging to Fi or saying that you have to stay with her to keep her safe. You have fear that she's either going to leave you or not be safe if she leaves you. So Fi will go outside for a few minutes and if you feel yourself getting anxious you let me know and we'll get through it."

"I'm going, but I'll be back and I'll be safe I will always come back." Fiona said, trying to keep her tone light. "Last time I left you boys alone for any extended amount of time, my plants were half dead and my snow globes were dusty."

Michael smiled and Sam laughed. Sam gently slapped Michael on the back and pointed to the door. "Let's start this now. Fi, you step outside and don't come back in until I call for you."

Fiona nodded. She smiled at Michael, grabbed a magazine and headed for the door. She was going to say something but Sam waved her out of the loft. Sam, seeing her sitting on the bottom step with her magazine, shut the loft door.

"Why did you shut the door?" Michael asked, his eyes widening.

Sam noticed as soon as the door shut, Michael's breathing changed. "Mike, I want you to tell me what's bothering you."

Michael got up and headed to the door, but Sam blocked him. "Let me open the door Sam. Fiona is out there. If I can't see her, I need to hear her."

Sam shook his head and put his hand on Michael's chest, gently pushing him backwards into the loft. "Mikey, why do you need to see or hear Fiona? She's just outside."

Tears came to Michael's eyes, which he quickly wiped away. He was talking fast. "I can't keep her safe, she's too far away. You know she is too. Someone could grab her or she could leave and never come back." Michael said, locking his hands behind his head and pacing around the loft.

Sam noticed Michael's breathing was getting faster. He helped Michael slow his breathing and then tried to reason with him. "You know Fi is safe. She's proved to us over and over that she is more than capable of taking care of herself. She'll be OK. What makes you think she wouldn't be OK?"

Michael looked around the loft. "I don't know. There's something in my head thats nagging me, telling me that Fiona isn't safe and I'm to blame but yet I'm the only one who can save her. I'm going crazy aren't I?"

Sam shook his head. "I think someone said something to you or something happened and you have all these thoughts locked up in your head. You are trying to protect yourself from something and your brain won't let you unlock what it is. The more we do this, the more you will open up to what happened."

After an hour, Sam texted Fiona to come back inside. As she entered the loft, she walked st  
right into MIchael's arms and said "See, I told you I would come back safe and sound!" Michael closed his eyes as he held her tight, planting kisses above her ear. They did the same exercise several times that day. Sam made sure that Michael reached a high level of anxiety and helped him back down to a calm state. No new information was discovered when Sam tried to get him to talk.

Fiona made dinner for Sam and Michael. Sam and Fiona took up most of the evening with playful verbal sparring, doing their best to amuse Michael. At one point he even joined in picking on Sam, causing both Sam and Fiona's hearts to leap with joy. A small piece of their Michael was coming back to them.

The next few days they repeated the same exercise. On the third day, Fiona left for a few hours. When she got back, she found that Michael was a little anxious but in good spirits otherwise. Sam stayed for dinner, which he cooked this time while Michael and Fiona were outside doing some work on the Charger.

After dinner Sam left, and Michael and Fiona went to bed. Fiona fell asleep first, with Michael's arms wrapped around her. She woke up around four in the morning. "Michael?" She called out several times. No answer. She scrambled for her cell phone and called Sam. While waiting for him to answer, she opened the loft door and found the Charger was gone as well.

"Sam, Michael's gone. We went to bed and I just woke up and realized he wasn't in bed. We have to find him. Even though he's better, I don't want him alone yet!' Fiona screamed into the phone as she got dressed.

Sam sighed and got out of bed. "Fi, I understand. I'll take the beaches and streets by me and you take the beaches and streets by you. We meet up outside Carlito's in an hour and then look together. We'll find him Fi. He'll be fine." Sam prayed he was right as he grabbed his keys and left the hotel.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam had been driving up and down streets looking for the Charger or any sign of Michael. He found the Charger parked by the beach. The hood was cold, meaning he had been there for sometime already. As Sam made his way to the beach he whispered to himself "Left or right, which did you go buddy?" Sam finally chose to walk to the left, thinking it was a smaller beach and didn't get busy until late morning, which Michael might like because he would have more time for himself.

As he walked along he saw a lone figure sitting in the sand. He quickened his pace and eventually stood next to Michael, who was sitting cross legged in the sand. "Fiona noticed I was gone, I guess." he said.

"Mikey, she called me in a panic because she got up and you were gone. You should have left her a note so she, I mean we, wouldn't have worried as much." Sam said sitting next to Michael.

Michael rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry Sam. I just...I had to get out. I didn't want to wake her. I know she's safe by herself now...so I left." Sam noticed Michael's voice was shaking and strained.

"We need to talk about this Brother. Its just you and me here. Fiona said when you went to bed, everything was fine. Did you have a dream? Man, I had some wicked dreams while my buddy was helping me out. It always helped to talk about the dreams. Made things clearer for me. Tell me what you dreamt about."

Michael leaned forward. "Nate. I dreamt that he was standing in front of me and he looked so damned proud. I pulled out my gun and shot Anson but the bullet went through Anson and hit Nate. Whenever I dream of Nate, he always dies in my arms." Michael hung his head and let out a sob.

Sam moved closer to Michael and put his arm around his younger friend. "You know you can talk to Fi about this. She lost her sister. That's a common bond you both have. She can help you through it too. Stop being such a lone-wolf."

Michael shook his head. "I don't like talking to her about Claire. I don't want to make her sad."

"You won't make her sad. It makes her sadder that you won't talk to her. Let her in." Sam firmly said. "The dreams will go on for a while. Only thing you can do is wake up and realize you aren't there again."

Sam and Michael sat quietly on the beach, watching the sun rise. Michael let out another sob. "After I had the dream, I remembered what happened on the mission. I screwed up Sam. I should have known better."

Sam tried hard to conceal the sadness for his friend. "We all screw up. Tell me what happened." He noticed Michael's muscles became more tense. "Mike, this is one more hurdle we are coming up to, so you tell me about it and we'll clear it together. It's hard to do but we have to get over this."

Michael took a moment. "We found Tyler Gray and the team went after him. Card told me over and over to take him alive. I found Tyler Gray hiding. I kept asking why he killed Nate and he just laughed. I couldn't take it, so I raised my gun and shot him in the head. Card found me and he kept shouting at me 'What did you do?' and I couldn't answer him. All I heard him say was that I ruined everything and I was going to lose everything. All I kept thinking about was Fiona. She's my everything. I kept thinking I was going to lose her."

Sam closed his eyes, hoping the tears filling his eyes would go away. "Oh God, that's a lot to be walking around with Mikey. Is there anything else you remembered?"

"Yeah...there's more. We got back to Miami and Langley fired me. I have no benefits, no pension but I get to keep my money I earned when I burned and my credit is intact. How can I take care Fiona with no job? I need to take care of her." Michael said answered.

"We do like when you were burned. We take the odd jobs that come our way. We help people out. That's what you are best at Mikey."

As the two men sat on the beach, they heard Fiona approach. "Dammit, couldn't anyone have called me and told me where you were?"

Fiona kissed the top of Michael's head as she walked past him, sitting down on the other side. Sam mumbled something about getting coffee and walked off, leaving Michael and Fiona alone.

"Michael, where did you go? I woke up and you weren't there. You scared me to death. Do not ever leave me without telling again." Fiona scolded Michael.

Michael apologized and told her everything that he had just told Sam. At the end, he said tearfully, "I ruined everything."

Fiona felt her heart break. She moved so she could kneel in front of Michael. Taking his face in her hands, she kissed his forehead and wiped his eyes. "You ruined nothing. What you did, was honorable. If I ever found the man who shot Claire, I would do the exact same thing you did. Don't you ever think that something like losing your job would ever make me not love you. I'm here for the good and the bad."

Michael pulled Fiona into his lap and held onto her. She planted tiny kisses along his hairline. "You and Sam are the only people who love me." Michael said in a sad, soft voice. "I love you and I'm so afraid I'm going to lose you now."

Fiona whispered into Michael's ear. "I am not going anywhere. We will always love you, no matter what."

"Why can't my mom love me like you guys love me?" Michael held Fiona tighter. "Before I came home to you that night, I stopped my mom's house and told her that I killed Tyler Gray and that I ended up getting kicked out of the CIA. She looked at me and said 'Do you think that makes up for getting Nate killed?'. All I could say was that I was sorry I didn't protect Nate but I got the guy who hurt him. She told me that Tyler Gray wasn't the one who really hurt Nate. She said I was the one to blame. I got Nate killed and she said that my recklessness will cause me to lose everyone I love. I left her. I couldn't sit there anymore. I came home to you and that's when everything else started."

"Michael, she is just angry at the world right now. This is one time you can't fix something that's wrong. You are better off not seeking forgiveness from her because you aren't going to get it."

Fiona and Michael sat on the beach until Michael was able to calm down. "I am so tired right now. You mind driving to the loft?"

Fiona took the keys from Michael and they headed to where they had parked. Sam was sitting on the hood of the Charger waiting for them to return. "I was starting to worry about you kids."  
Seeing Michael's face, Sam looked at Fiona.

"I'm driving the Charger back home. Can you take my car?" Fiona asked. She got Michael in the car and walked over to Sam for a moment. "We need to talk. Card isn't the only one to blame in Michael's breakdown."

Fiona turned to walk away but Sam grabbed her arm. "Who else? What happened after I left you two alone?"

"Madeline happened. He's exhausted Sam, I want to get him home so he can sleep. Give me an hour and then come to the loft and I'll tell you." Fiona said as she walked away.

Sam called Evan and asked if he could meet Sam at the beach and drive one of the cars to the loft. Evan arrived and followed Sam to the loft. Hearing voices outside, Fiona quietly got out of bed and opened the door. Seeing Sam, she descended the stairs.

"Hi Evan. Thanks for helping with the cars." She said.

Evan nodded his head and smiled. "No problem. You have a sweet ride. I could make it faster if you need."

"I'll keep that in mind. Could you give Sam and I a moment alone?" Fiona asked, smiling back at Evan.

Once Evan was outside the gate, Fiona spoke quickly. "When you left, Michael told me about Card. Then he talked about how he went to Madeline before he came home to me that night. In a nutshell, she blames Michael for Nate's death. He thought that by killing Tyler Gray, she would forgive him. She said that Tyler wasn't the one who hurt Nate, Michael was and that he would lose everyone he loves because of his recklessness."

"Christ! She was the last person who talked to him, she is the one who broke him. Are you OK with him?"

Fiona eyed Sam carefully. "I'm fine, what are you going to do?"

Sam got into his car and said to Fiona "I have to talk to Maddie. She needs to know what she's done."

Sam stopped the car long enough for Evan to get in and sped off, leaving a worried Fiona screaming his name.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam pulled into the driveway at Maddie's house. He sat in the driveway for a moment, trying to contain the anger he was feeling inside. Finally gathering his thoughts, he walked into the kitchen. He found Madeline doing dishes. Sam noticed her hair wasn't done, she wore no makeup or festive jewelry as she did before Nate's death.

"Sam, I'm surprised to see you. I thought you guys would be working on a job or something." Maddie said. Her voice was cold and icy.

"Well, Mikey is in no condition to work. Fiona and I have been taking care of him. He's very sick Maddie." Sam said, hoping he would get a positive motherly response from her.

Maddie looked at Sam, with no feeling at all in her voice, told Sam "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he gets better soon."

Sam didn't want to believe how cold Maddie was being. Whenever Michael was missing or hurt, Maddie was always the first to be worried. Now she could care less. Sam figured he had nothing to lose, so he began to lay it all out for Maddie. She needed to know exactly how sick Mikey was.

"How cold could you possible be? I tell you that your son, that loves you, is very sick and all you can do is say 'Hope he gets better soon'? That's not acceptable." Sam shouted.

Maddie shot back at Sam. "Do you know what's not acceptable? I have a son that I had to bury and another son that was the cause of his death."

"No, Mike is not the reason why Nate is dead. Nate died because he didn't listen to Mike. Nate was told not to approach Anson and he did. There was no way to know that someone was going to shoot Anson and Nate. Mike did what he could do to protect Nate. Nate should have listened."

The room was silent. Sam looked out into the dining room and saw the pictures of Michael, Fiona, Sam and Jesse had been removed. "Where are the pictures you had up?"

"I put them away. Caused me too much pain to look at them." Maddie said nonchalantly.

"When did you put them away?" Sam asked, hoping it was more recently than Michael's visit.

Maddie quickly answered "A few days after the funeral."

Sam rubbed his face with his hands. If he noticed the pictures were gone, odds are Michael did too. Sam felt himself breaking. He took a breath, trying to compose himself. "You were the last straw Maddie. I know he came here looking for approval or forgiveness trying to make up for Nate's death, but you rejected him. You told him that the guy who shot Nate wasn't the one to blame, Michael was to blame and he would lose everything that he loved. You were the second person to tell him that but you were the one who caused him to break."

Maddie stood still for a moment. Sam heard her voice crack. "Break?"

Sam got closer to Maddie. "Yeah, your Michael, the Michael we know as the toughest guy around is broken and you caused it. All he wanted from you was some sign that you loved him and maybe in a little way were even proud of him. Instead you cut him down. Do you know after he came home and slept for a bit, he woke up and tried to kill himself?"

Maddie gasped. Sam was not going to let her off easily. "He pointed the gun at Fiona and then he pointed the gun at his head. He would have pulled the trigger if I didn't tackle him. He was terrified of losing Fiona because you told him that he would lose everyone he loves. The one person who he was the most terrified of losing was Fiona. He can't live without her but you and someone else put it into his head that she would leave or get hurt because of him. You hurt my brother."

Sam stopped talking and walked into the dining room. "How is he now?" Maddie asked in a soft voice.

"He'll be ok in time, but he's not himself. He pretends to be so tough and not let things affect him. Deep down inside, he's just a little boy who wants to be loved. I have to go now. I left Fiona with him and she might need a break." Sam said weakly.

"Maybe I should come with you?" Maddie asked.

Sam pulled his keys out of his pocket. "Honestly Maddie, the best thing you could do right now is stay the hell away from Michael. He needs to get better on his own. You caused this but you can't fix this."

Sam walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He got in the car and pulled out his cell. "Fi, I'm leaving Maddie's now. You ok if I stop at one more place?"

Fiona looked at Michael who was still sleeping. "He's out like a light. I haven't seen him sleep this good in ages. Go do what you need. I'm fine."

Sam put his phone down and pulled out of the driveway. He parked in the parking lot of the CIA building and waited for Tom Card to exit. About an hour later, he spotted Card. Getting out of the car, Sam followed Car and shouted after him. "Tom Card!"

Turning around, Card sighed "Oh, um...you are...the chin guy...Axe, right?"

"Sam Axe. Mike Westen's buddy. Remember him?" Sam said, slamming Card up against the car.

"I remember Michael. Did you forget that I trained Michael? I suggest you get off of me or else you will spend sometime in a cozy CIA interegation room."

Sam released his grip on Card. "You screwed Michael over."

"I assume you know he got fired. Whatever happened, he did it himself. I told him to take Gray alive, he went in there on his own little mission and played judge, jury and executioner. Langley wanted to cut him off totally but I convinced them to at least leave him his money and credit. You should be thanking me because he could have faced a lot worse than a job loss."

Sam laughed. "I want to thank you for causing him to have a breakdown. You had him convinced he was going to lose Fiona over this and it sent him into a downward spiral. I swear you and his mother combined made him a wreck. Thank you very much."

"I told him that he was going to lose everything. I meant his job, his title and future with the CIA. I said nothing about Glenanne. I don't care about what happens with him and Glenanne."

Sam slammed Card into the car again. "Fiona is everything to him." Sam pulled Card away from the car and slammed him into it harder than before. "You are going to get Mike his pension and benefits back or else."

"Or else what?"

Sam pulled out his phone and turned out the volume. Sam smiled as he played a recording of Tom Card in his office. 'Yes sir. I understand the mission we are going on. I didn't tell Westen about it because he's too close to the case. I benched him. He's not happy about it and not returning my calls, but that's ok. He needs time to cool off. He knows if he gets near the operation its over for him...I have to go. Michael! Glad you came so quickly. We found Tyler Gray. Pack your gear and we'll bring in the guy who killed your brother.'

Sam stopped the message on the phone. "You bugged my office? I could have you arrested. This is government property that one of your guys broke into and planted a bug."

"You have no proof. See, the cleaning people may have come through and removed the bug after you had your meeting with Mikey. Check it for bugs later, but yo won't find any. I expect you to approach Mikey with a nice cushy package and your apology for screwing him over. If you don't approach him by tomorrow afternoon, then I don't know if I can hold onto this evidence too long. You lied to your superior. He won't like that and I imagine that lying about a mission would get you in trouble. Stop by the loft with his package when you are ready."

Sam left Card and headed back to his car. He left the CIA parking lot and called up Fiona. "Get him up and let's go to Carlito's for something to eat and maybe some drinks."


	7. Chapter 7

Michael and Fiona arrived back at the loft after having dinner with Sam. As Michael closed the gate, Fiona stood on the bottom step watching Michael.

"It was good to get out." Michael said, putting his arm around Fiona's waist.

"It certainly was. I missed Carlito's when I was away." she purred as he gently kissed her neck. "I missed other things too."

Michael gave Fiona a long, slow kiss. He broke the kiss and whispered "Do you want to take this inside or should we stay out here."

Fiona turned around and took Michael's hand in hers and led him up the stairs. "Are you up to this? You've been through alot lately."

He planted both hands in her hair and whispered before he kissed her again "I need you."

Sometimes when he said he needed her, he'd be rough, but other times he wanted to take his time. Whatever he wanted was fine, he needed the control that night and Fiona would give it to him. Michael pulled her inside the loft and shut the door. He helped her take her dress off, planting tiny kisses on her exposed skin. She helped him take his clothes off while they walked to the bed. He took his time kissing and touching her. She let his hands lazily roam around her body as she slowly let her hands do the same. Even when he finally entered her, he moved so slowly even up until the very end, making sure they both tumbled over the edge together. The entire time their lips were locked in passionate kiss. After they finished, they laid side by side. Michael held her close, their legs entwined. They continued to kiss, until exhausted they fell asleep.

In the morning, Michael woke up first. He saw he missed a phone call from Tom Card. Tempted to take a hammer to his phone, he listened to the voicemail.

"Michael, its Tom Card. I need to see you and drop off some papers for you to sign. I'll be there about ten this morning."

Checking his watch, he saw it was nine thirty. He decided to go outside and wait for Card, not wanting to wake Fiona.

At ten o'clock, Card walked through the gate. "Michael, you look good and by good, I really mean you look like crap. I came by to have you sign some papers and talk to you for a moment."

"What do you have to say and what am I signing?" Michael asked, keeping his distance from Card.

"I went to bat for you after you left. I fought tooth and nail with Langley and made some deals that gave you the papers I need you to sign off on. I'm sorry things ended with us the way they did." Card said, handing Michael a folder.

"Inside you will find three documents. One is a confidentiality agreement. The other is that you accept the pension package we've arranged and the final document is to continue health coverage for you and any little Westens that may come your way. No negotiating, just sign."

Michael took a moment and read the documents, signing each one and its copy. Card gave him a set. As he left he said "You should keep that Sam Axe around, he plays a good game."

Michael confused, watched Card leave. Fiona appeared at the top of the stairs "Was that Tom Card? You should have woken me up, I wanted shoot him." Fiona said.

"Card came by and had me sign off on a pension and health care package. I also agreed to be quiet and not do anymore governmental work."

Fiona made her way down the stairs and wrapped herself around Michael's waist. "He also said to Sam around because he plays a good game."

Michael took the file and put it on the hood of the car. He began to kiss Fiona who let out several low moans. Michael would have continued kissing Fiona, but instead they heard a voice.

"Excuse me. Hate to interrupt." the voice said.

"Evan, Sam isn't here." Fiona said, slightly annoyed.

"I'm not here for Sam, I'm here to see Michael." Evan explained.

"Why me? If you are in trouble again, tell Sam. I'm not up to working right now." said Michael.

Evan came into the lot a little further. "I need your help, but its not trouble related. You know I have a garage, right? I'm short a mechanic. Most of the guys I hired were guys I know. This guy was someone I didn't know. He hasn't shown up and now I'm behind. Sam said you were good with classic cars and might help me out. There's even some money involved."

Michael looked at Fiona. "Go help Evan. It'll keep you busy for the afternoon and get us some extra cash. I'll be fine. We can 'reconnect' later." Fiona said with a sly grin.

Michael gave Fiona a kiss and told Evan he'd meet him at the garage. A one day project turned into three days, but at the end of the third day Evan offered Michael a job if he wanted.

After discussing it with Fiona, she agreed as the pay was good and it was something he was good at. A few months passed and Michael found himself working late hours trying to finish a custom paint job. One night, Evan left him alone to work. It was hot, so Michael had the garage door open.

"Michael?" a familiar voice called out.

Michael dropped his wrench and inhaled "We're closed. I'm just here finishing up a job. If you want to have your car fixed drop the keys and someone will look at it in the morning."

"That's not why I'm here. I just saw Fiona in the store. She looks good. She said she's four months but I think she looks bigger." Madeline said, sitting on a stool. Her voice was chipper and bright. Michael felt annoyed that she acted liked nothing happened.

Michael started to work on the car again. "She's feeling good. When she isn't sleeping, she's eating."

The two sat in silence for a what felt like hours to Michael. Finally he said "What are you doing here? Our last didn't meeting go so well."

Maddie's voice shook. "I know. I heard what happened after you left. I heard you had a breakdown. I'm sorry you went through that. I never meant to hurt you."

Michael slammed the hood of the car shut, making Maddie jump. "But you did Mom. Do you know anything I went through after I left you that night? I almost killed myself and Fiona. I would have tried to kill sam if he didn't tackle me. Even after I was better, they were still afraid to leave me alone."

Maddie sniffled. "All I knew was that I was hurting and you were the one person who kept coming back. You called and stopped by. Sam, Fi and Jesse stopped. I wanted someone to hurt as much as I did and you were the one who was there and I lashed out at you. I'm so sorry" Michael looked at Maddie who had tears falling from her cheeks.

He felt tears forming in his eyes so he covered his face with his hands. "All I wanted that night was forgiveness and comfort. I thought that by avenging Nate's death that somehow it would make up for not protecting him. I just wanted someone to tell me that I did good and I would be OK. I wanted my mothers love but I couldn't even get that. So you say you wanted someone to hurt as bad as you, you did great job mom because between my job and you I lost myself."

Again the garage was silent. Michael sniffled. "The worst part was that you took the pictures down. You didn't want Sam, Fiona, Jesse or me. Especially me. Anything that I gave or made you, I noticed it was gone. You didn't want me."

Michael leaned against the Hood of the car, looking away from Madeline so she didn't see him cry. She came over and gently touched his arm. "You have no idea how sorry I am you went through that alone. I should have been there but I wasn't. I'm here now though."

Michael looked at Maddie and said " I miss him mom. I miss him." He finally let his guard down and allowed himself to miss his brother. Maddie wrapped her arms around Michael and whispered. "I do too, baby."

It was close to ten o'clock when Michael arrived home. Fiona was in the kitchen eating spaghetti. He stood there, smiling at the sight of his pregnant wife eating in the moonlight.

"You saw your mom? I can tell."

He walked up to her and kissed her belly and then kissed Fiona. "You told her where I was "

"That I did. It was time you guys cleared the air. I didn't want our baby to be born without you trying to settle things. I hope you aren't mad."

"I could never be mad at you. I love you Fiona Glenanne. I don't know what I'd do without you." Michael said, leaning in for a kiss.

"Why don't you show me how much you love me?" Fiona purred.

Michael smiled at Fiona. "With pleasure" he replied as he pulled her into the bed, where they spent the whole night doing anything but sleeping.


End file.
